There are seasons of motherhood that no one prepares you for โ the ones that creep in quietly and then suddenly feel overwhelmingly loud.
This picture brings all the feels…
Seasons where youโre raising pre-teens, teens, or even young adultsโฆ and your heart is stretched in ways you never expected.
This is the season Iโm in now โ one I never imagined I would walk as a solo parent, one I never thought Iโd be navigating without my husband, without their father, without my partner in the everyday chaos of raising a family.
And as I step into my second Christmas without Quintin, every memory, every small shift, every tiny tradition hits differently.
Today, a memory from 2017 popped up on my phone. A simple moment, nothing dramatic โ just a snapshot of our life back then. But as soon as I saw it, the tears filled my eyes. Six years ago feels like a different lifetime, a different version of me, a different version of all of us.
The kids were little.
Life was loud and messy.
We were exhausted but in that sweet, innocent way.
And Quintin was here.
Back then, they still believed in the magic of Christmas.
They still woke up early with bedhead and giggles.
They still asked where the elves were hiding.
And they still needed me in a way that felt simple and predictable.
But this year?
Not one of them asked about the elves.
Not one even mentioned the traditions that once felt like the heartbeat of our holidays.
And thatโs when it hit me:
Iโve entered the era of the In-Between Mama.
This in-between stageโฆ
Between childhood and adulthood.
Between needing you and pulling away.
Between innocence and independence.
Between holding tight and learning to let go โ even when your own heart isnโt ready.
Motherhood in this season looks nothing like the years before it.
The Shift No One Warns You About
When they were little, the work was physical โ diapers, baths, late-night feedings, tying shoes, packing lunches, wiping tears that could easily be kissed away.
Now, the work is emotional.
And it is heavy.
It looks like waiting up for them to get home.
Holding your breath through their heartbreaks.
Navigating the hormones, the moods, the eye rolls, the slammed doors.
Letting them make decisions you hope theyโre ready for.
Trying to guide, without controlling.
Trying to stay close, without smothering.
And doing it all while grieving.
Doing it all while trying to hold a family together when a piece of the family is missing.
Doing it all while slowly finding your footing as a widowed mama โ a title you never wanted, never chose, and still donโt fully recognize yourself in.
Some days I feel strong.
Some days I feel so lost.
Most days, I feel both at the exact same time.
The Loneliest Busy Season
This season might be the busiest Iโve ever been as a mom โ juggling schedules, emotions, milestones, first jobs, senior years, college decisions, and everything in between.
But it is also, without question, the loneliest.
There is no one to nudge at night and whisper,
โDid you hear what our teenager just said?โ
No one to tag-team the hard conversations.
No one to fall apart with behind closed doors.
No one to laugh with about the chaos.
No one to share that knowing look across the room โ that โwe made these humansโ look I miss so deeply.
And the kids feel it too.
They miss him in ways they donโt always say out loud.
Grief shows up differently in each of them โ sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly, sometimes at the most unexpected moments.
It shows up in the silence after a tough day.
It shows up in the ache of the holidays.
It shows up in the conversations we all wish we could still have with him.
What Iโm Learning About This Season
Missing the Little Things (Even the Elf!)
If you had told me five years ago that Iโd miss scrambling out of bed because I forgot to move the elf on the shelfโฆ
I would have laughed.
But now?
I miss it.
I miss the magic in their eyes.
I miss the laughter.
I miss the moments I didnโt know were fleeting.
Grief teaches you that the smallest things were actually the big things.
A Word to My Fellow In-Between Mamas
If youโre in this season too โ especially if youโre grieving while mothering โ hereโs what I want you to know:
You donโt have to have the perfect words.
You donโt have to have the perfect answers.
You donโt have to carry it all flawlessly.
You just have to BE.
Be present.
Be gentle.
Be the soft place for them to land.
Be the person they know will show up โ even when they pretend they donโt notice.
Your presence is enough.
Even when your heart feels stretched thin.
Even when the grief hits out of nowhere.
Even when youโre learning as you go.
This season is hard.
But it is also holy.
Sacred.
Transforming.
What If…
Maybe this year looks different.
Maybe the traditions have shifted.
Maybe the magic has changed.
Maybe the memories sting more than they used to.
But weโre still here.
Still loving.
Still mothering.
Still showing up.
And maybe โ just maybe โ thatโs exactly what our children need most.
To all the In-Between Mamas, especially the grieving onesโฆ
I see you.
Iโm with you.
And weโre going to make it through this season โ together.
๐โ๏ธ
Lori
Love to share part of my vulnerable grief journey with youโฆ please take the time to read and leave a comment on my blog. I read and cherish everyone of them โค๏ธโ๐ฉน
If you in the thick of it with your littles and you are looking for some EASY new Elf Ideas…look no futher than HERE
Thank you. Your honesty is so valuable. Iโm a widowed mom raising three teenagers, who are actually my adopted granddaughters. Itโs such a messy mix.
I lost my husband over a year ago. He was a pastor for 37 years and my beloved 47 years. We were best friends. I was so blessed.
I remain blessed. Forever blessed. Iโm so grateful. But, Iโm in pain. This loss has left me lost.
I pray God blesses you with overwhelming strength. You are so kind to so many.
Oh friend, my heart hurts reading your story. What a beautiful life you shared with your husband, and what a deep loss to carry now. Thank you for trusting me with this.
Iโm lifting you in prayer โ may God surround you with strength and gentle comfort in this season. โค๏ธโ๐ฉนโ๏ธ
Iโve been following you for a month or soโฆ and honestly, itโs refreshing for someone to be raw and real about what is real life. Love and loss. Sometimes over and overโฆ we smile through it all and draw near to God in prayer in any quiet moment we can find. Iโm a single mom 3 divorces deep. I do the parenting all by myself and it is one high and low after another. ๐คช. โBe still and know that i am Godโ โฆ whew thank goodness HE is our ROCK. HE . Always was and always will be. Just keep swimming โฆ good plans for you..for USโฆ ahead. Do you perceive it? I really do! Hope you do too โฆi hope you WILL too ๐ โฆ All my love, Jennifer
Jennifer, thank you for sharing a piece of your heart here. ๐ Life has a way of stretching us in ways we never expectedโฆ but goodness, isnโt it something how God meets us right in the middle of it? That โbe still and knowโ has carried me more times than I can count. Youโre doing an incredible job, mama โ the highs, the lows, the in-betweens. I truly believe He has good ahead for both of us. ๐คโ๏ธ
I just wanted to say you are doing an awesome job. God blessed you with 4 beautiful kiddos and he also blessed them with a wonderful, strong loving mom! With God by your side you will be fine. Merry Christmas to all of you!
Thank you so much for this encouragement. ๐ Iโm grateful every single day that God entrusted me with these four โ even in the hard seasons, His strength carries us. Your words mean more than you know. Merry Christmas to you and yours! โ๏ธ๐
I have been following you for just a short time. I havenโt lost a spouse but I am grieving my sister who lost her fight with melanoma 4 years ago. This Christmas is really hardโฆharder than last year and the Christmases before that. It is helpful to me to talk and share with others who understand our griefโฆ.but especially to share with someone who also has faith in Jesus Christ. We know what is waiting for us and we know we will see our loved ones in Heaven but the pain here and now is so very hardโฆheartbreaking and gut wrenching. Thank you for all that you share. I pray for you and your family as you walk this road. God bless.
Iโm so deeply sorry for your loss. Grief comes in waves, and some seasons hit harder than others. Thank you for sharing your heart with me โ it means a lot to walk with someone who holds the same hope in Jesus.
Praying peace and comfort over you this Christmas. โ๏ธโค๏ธโ๐ฉน
First of all, you are doing an amazing job raising your family and taking care of others! I’m sorry that your mom is going through cancer again! I hope she beats it for good this time! I hate cancer! It took away too many of my family, especially my mom! Grief sucks too! In 2017, I lost my step dad. January 17, 2019, I lost my best friend, my momma! Part of me died with her! January 23, 2019, my aunt passed. They passed because of cancer. In January 17, 2020, my grandfather in law passed. January 11, 2024, my grandmother passed. June 4, 2025, my fur baby passed due to cancer. I don’t know how you feel cause I still have my husband, but I do know how grief feels cause it never goes away! I have a 15 year old girl and an 18 year old girl. Christmas has not been the same since 2016. I watch your videos everyday because you remind me of my mom, so thank you for being you! I’ve had to learn how to do things without my mom, like cooking, raising my girls, & having fun! My mom was a huge part my family. I am her only child and she was my go to person! Life is so hard without her! Sorry that this is long but I have no one to talk to about this. Hope you have a wonderful day and Christmas!
Oh friendโฆ thank you for opening up your heart like this. Youโve carried more loss than anyone ever should, and Iโm so sorry for the pain youโve known โ especially losing your mom. That kind of grief settles deep.
Please hear this: the way you keep going, loving your girls, and choosing joy where you canโฆ that is strength. And I believe the Lord is holding you so close, even in the moments that feel the heaviest.
Iโm praying this Christmas holds moments of comfort, gentleness, and maybe even a little lightness for your heart. ๐คโ๏ธ
Hello Lori. I’ve been following you and your beautiful family since you started CBM. I was first attracted to your cooking content, but soon fell in love with your family loving shenanigans, laughter and faith based content.
I am not a “widow ” such as your self. But I sometimes feel like it. My husband of 40 years has suffered two strokes over the last decade that have left him disabled with weakness on his whole left side. I have been caring for him since I was 45 years old.
In the beginning you just do what you have to do. Work, get to doctor appointments, grocery shop, cook meals, assist with bathing.
Now I am getting older. Not as spry or agile as I once was. I am now suffering with my own health issues including plurasy, which I know from following you, you’ve experienced first hand with Kale.
I may not be a widow but I feel like it. Due to my husband’s condition we are home bound. I do and go everywhere by myself as single person. I may not be physically alone, but I am alone.
After I began following you I found other faith based families to follow as well. The Bradley Bunch and ArielTyson8 to name a few Vlogs. It’s comforting to watch and connect with other families out there so I don’t feel so alone everyday.
Thank you for letting me have a voice on this platform. These are things I’ve been thinking and feeling but can’t really discuss with my own family or friends.
Let me finish by saying I am truly sorry for the loss of your beloved Q. He would be so proud of you and beautiful children. You all have more strength than you know and your family encourages those who follow to try to be a little stronger, to stand firm in our faith, and to hold up and support one another โค๏ธ