10 Lessons Grief Taught Me After Losing My Husband

First off, thank you for allowing me to share with you in a deep raw and vulnerable way about the loss of my husband and my personal grief.

If you’ve followed me for a while, you know my life took a turn I never expected when I lost my husband, Quintin. Losing him shattered me in ways I can’t even fully put into words. As a mom of four, I didn’t have the option to stop. Life didn’t pause for me. I still had kids to feed, schedules to manage, and responsibilities that didn’t go away just because my heart broke.

But grief has a way of teaching you things you never wanted to learn. It changes you — not just in the obvious ways, but in the tiny, unseen moments too.

When Quintin passed away, I quickly realized grief wasn’t something I could “get over.” I have known him longer than anyone else in my life. He was not only my lover, the father of my children, he was my best friend. Grief wasn’t a season with a clear start and end date. Instead, it became a part of me, woven into the fabric of my life. And while I would give anything to have him back, I’ve learned lessons in this valley that I carry with me today.

I want to share 10 things grief has taught me — in hopes that maybe, just maybe, they’ll resonate with you too. If you’re grieving a spouse, a parent, a child, a friend, or even the loss of a dream or season of life… please know you’re not alone.

1-  You can feel two things at once

Grief showed me that you can be completely broken and still grateful to be alive. There are days when I wake up with tears in my eyes, but I also hear my kids laughing in the kitchen — and in that moment, I feel both sorrow and gratitude. It’s complicated, but that’s the truth of grief.

2 – There is no “right” way to grieve

When Quintin first passed, I thought maybe there was a formula or a checklist. Cry for a while, move on, feel better. But grief doesn’t work that way. Some days I feel strong. Other days I can barely function. Both are normal. Both are valid.

No one’s grief journey looks the same — and that’s okay.

3 – Time doesn’t heal everything

People love to say, “time heals all wounds.” But honestly? It doesn’t. Time doesn’t erase the pain. What time does is teach you how to carry it. It softens the edges just enough for you to keep walking forward. And honestly it is what you do with your time that helps you to heal.

4- Triggers come out of nowhere

The first time I walked into a Chiefs game after Quintin’s death, I thought I could handle it. But then a memory hit me like a wave, and I couldn’t breathe. That’s the thing about grief triggers — they sneak up when you least expect them. And that’s okay. You don’t have to rush past those moments. Sometimes you just have to stop, feel it, and let the tears fall.

5 – You don’t have to explain your pain

Not everyone will understand what you’re going through, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Grief is deeply personal. Sometimes silence speaks louder than words.

6- People will surprise you

This was one of the hardest lessons. Some people I thought would be there… weren’t. Others I never expected to step up became my lifeline. Grief has a way of revealing who’s truly in your corner. This one is really hard. Honestly, there can be a lot of disappointment that can easily turn into bitterness. You will have to give others a ton of grace, but also remember to give yourself grace in the process.

7 – Some days will feel unbearable

There are mornings when I wonder how I’ll make it through the day. But then I do. I breathe through one moment, then the next. And at night, I realize I survived another day without him — and that’s its own kind of victory.

8- Grief lives in the body

I had no idea how physical grief would feel. The exhaustion. The heaviness in my chest. The tears that come without warning. I’ve learned to give my body grace: rest, cry, move, repeat. That cycle has carried me more than once. AND PRAY!! God wants to shoulder this pain with you. The weight of Death is something we were never meant to carry my friend.

9- Joy can exist beside pain

This lesson took me the longest to accept. At first, I felt guilty any time I laughed or felt joy. How could I be happy when Quintin isn’t here? But I’ve learned that joy doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten him. It simply means I’m allowing myself to live fully, even in the midst of my loss and if I am being honest, this is exactly what Quintin would want for me- for me to find JOY again!

10 – Grieving is not weakness

Grief doesn’t make me weak. In fact, it’s one of the strongest things I’ve ever had to endure. Continuing to love Quintin while learning to live without him is the hardest, bravest thing I’ve ever done.

The Love That Never Left

I never wanted these lessons. I never wanted to know what it’s like to be a widow raising four kids. But here I am — carrying both the pain and the love. Because the love didn’t leave. That part remains forever.

If you’re grieving, I want you to know something important: you are not alone.

I see you. I feel your pain. And even though our stories may look different, we share the same ache of missing someone we love.

Words of Encouragement for the Grieving Heart

If you’ve read this far, I want to leave you with a reminder: grief is not linear. You don’t have to rush healing. You don’t have to apologize for the days you can’t get out of bed. You don’t have to explain why a song, a smell, or a memory completely undoes you.

Grief is love with nowhere to go. And as painful as it is, it’s also proof of the deep love you carry.

Prayer, Journaling and scripture has helped me to stay encouraged and have hope in my deepest darkest days. I am trying to turn my pain into purpose and am trying to encourage while encouraging myself to stay ROOTED in HIM this is the name of my new Grief Journal available NOW HERE. We kicked off the prelaunch of the grief journal with an event where others could come and get encouraged, connected and filled up together.

Are you in a Grieving Season? Let’s Talk About It

This space isn’t just about me — it’s about us. If you’re walking through grief, I’d love to hear your heart:

• What is one lesson grief has taught you?
• Do you resonate with one of these ten truths?
• Or maybe you’re supporting someone who’s grieving — what have you learned in that role?

Your comments matter. Your story matters. And I believe that when we share, we remind each other that none of us have to walk this road alone.

So please, drop a comment below. Let’s encourage one another.

How is it You found this grief side of the Crazy Busy Mama Blog?

For those of you finding this blog through search, welcome. Whether you typed in “how to cope with grief,” “grief lessons,” “healing after loss,” “encouragement for widows,” or “living with grief,” I hope you found comfort here.

Grief is messy. It’s unpredictable. But it can also be a teacher.

If you’re struggling right now, I encourage you to bookmark this page and come back whenever you need a reminder that you’re not alone. And if this post encouraged you, share it with a friend who might need the same encouragement.

Together, we can build a community that reminds grieving hearts: you are not broken, you are brave.

💬 Now it’s your turn — share your grief lessons in the comments. Let’s walk this journey together.

Much Love- Lori

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