The Funeral Theory That Changed How I Live

The Funeral Theory That Changed How I Live

Why This Stopped Me in My Tracks

We live in a world obsessed with “more.”

More productivity. More connections. More likes. More approval.

We run ourselves ragged trying to keep everyone happy—family, friends, co-workers, neighbors… sometimes even strangers on the internet. We bite our tongues to avoid conflict, put others’ needs ahead of our own, and pour energy into keeping the peace.

For me, the reality of the funeral theory became painfully clear after unexpectedly losing my husband, Quintin. Grief has a way of stripping life down to what truly matters. In the weeks and months that followed, I found myself wrestling with expectations—especially from people I thought would be there for me, but weren’t. That was a hard and humbling lesson. Letting go of those expectations has reshaped the way I see life. It’s reminded me how short our time is, and that what truly matters isn’t the approval of the crowd—it’s doing what God has called us to do, no matter what the world may think.

And then I came across this little concept called the funeral theory. It was simple, but it rattled my heart and rearranged the way I look at everything.

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The Funeral Theory

The funeral theory says this:

At the average funeral, only ten people cry. Ten. That’s it.

You spend your whole life pushing, striving, breaking your heart open for people, holding it all together… and in the end, only ten people are impacted enough to cry when you’re gone.

And here’s the kicker—the number one factor that determines how many people go on to your burial?

The weather.

If it’s raining, half of them won’t bother showing up.

I remember reading that and feeling my stomach drop. Ten people. Half disappearing if it’s inconvenient.

At first, it felt heartbreaking. How could something so big as a human life—your life—come down to so few people truly caring at the end?

But then, like a slow sunrise, I realized… it was also incredibly freeing.

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Why It Changed Me

If, in the end, only a tiny circle will truly be there, why do we spend so much of our precious time worried about the opinions of people who won’t even bring an umbrella to our burial?

Why do we build our lives around keeping everyone comfortable—at the cost of our own joy—when so few will be deeply impacted by our passing?

The truth is, much of what we do to “look good” or “make others happy” is really about fear:

• Fear of disappointing people
• Fear of being judged
• Fear of rocking the boat
• Fear of being misunderstood

But here’s what the funeral theory reminded me: we don’t owe our one and only life to the comfort of others.

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Your Gentle Reminder

This is your permission slip—straight from me to you:

• You are allowed to want more.
• You are allowed to do what makes you happy.
• You are allowed to build a life that both pays you and fulfills you.

Even if your path looks nothing like you thought it would.

Even if the people around you shake their heads or don’t understand.

You do not have to be the person who sticks to the plan out of guilt or fear.

You’re allowed to pivot. To start fresh. To shake things up and change the story completely.

Because here’s the thing—nobody is getting out of here alive anyway.

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How to Apply This in Real Life

The funeral theory doesn’t mean we stop caring about people. It doesn’t mean we live selfishly or burn bridges without thought.

It means we put our energy where it matters most.

Maybe that means:

• Saying “no” to the thing you’ve been dreading, even if someone’s disappointed
• Finally chasing that business, hobby, or adventure you’ve been talking yourself out of
• Spending more time with the handful of people who will be in that rainy graveside crowd
• Letting go of friendships that drain you rather than fill you
• Choosing joy over obligation, presence over performance

It’s about making sure your days feel like your days—not just a to-do list for everyone else’s expectations.

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Outro: Living for the Few Who Matter Most

The funeral theory doesn’t minimize your life—it magnifies it.

It reminds you that your worth was never in the crowd’s applause or the approval of acquaintances. It’s in the love you give and the joy you experience while you’re here.

When I think about my own funeral one day, I don’t want to wonder if I kept everyone comfortable. I want to know I lived fully. That I laughed loudly, loved deeply, and followed my God-given passions without apology.

So here’s to building a life that feels good now—not just one that looks good from the outside.

Here’s to the people who will bring the umbrella.

Here’s to the ones who will cry, rain or shine.

And here’s to you… living like your time is the rare and precious gift it really is.

Because it is.

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Every morning, I wake up and share a bit of my heart on my socials. If you are not following me on instagram, you can do so HERE and in this season specifically I am sharing my grief journey. Praying that I can share hope in the midst of my pain and how you too can find purpose in the midst of your valley by remembering Whose you are and who holds you! For those who would like to take a listen in on the “The Funeral Theory” raw chat you can do so below. 

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