Finding Hope, Gratitude, and Ground to Stand On When Life Is Forever Changed
The calendar flips.
The world cheers.
And somehowโฆ youโre still standing in the same ache.
A new year has a way of making grief feel louder.
Everyone else seems ready to โmove forward,โ to declare resolutions and fresh starts, while youโre quietly asking yourself how itโs possible that time keeps going when the person you love is still gone.
Or maybe the grief youโre carrying isnโt tied to death at all.
Maybe itโs the loss of a marriage you thought would last forever.
The loss of health.
The loss of a dream.
The loss of the version of yourself you used to be.
The loss of certainty.
The loss of safety.
Grief is not one-size-fits-all.
And it doesnโt follow the calendar.
As I step into another new year without my Q, I keep coming back to something I shared in my milestone blog, โA Full Year Without Q: Grief, Growth, and the Sacred Work of Carrying On.โ That year taught me this truth:
Grief doesnโt end.
It evolves.
And so do we.
If youโre reading this, I want you to pause for just a moment and breathe.
You are not behind.
You are not doing this wrong.
And you are not alone.
If you feel able, I want to gently encourage you to comment as you readโeven if itโs just one sentence, one word, or a simple โme too.โ
When we speak our grief out loud, it becomes lighter to carry. And your words might be the exact thing another hurting heart needs to read today.
Grief Isnโt Just the Loss of a Person
One of the hardest lessons grief has taught me is this:
Even when the loss is a death, what we grieve is so much more than the absence of a body.
When I lost Q, I didnโt just lose my husband.
I lost:
- The life I thought we were building
- The future plans we talked about late at night
- The way I used to see myself
- The sense of safety that came with โweโ instead of โmeโ
- The version of motherhood I imagined raising kids alongside him
Grief is layered.
And it shows up in ways we donโt always expect.
Thatโs why I want to say this clearly: grief doesnโt require a funeral.
You can grieve:
- A divorce
- A diagnosis
- A child leaving home
- A dream that died quietly
- A friendship that changed
- A season that will never come back
If that resonates with you, you belong here too.
And if you feel comfortable, Iโd love for you to comment:
๐ What are you grieving as this new year begins?
Naming it matters.
Carrying On Doesnโt Mean Carrying It Alone
In that first year without Q, I learned that โcarrying onโ isnโt about being strong or pretending youโre okay.
Itโs about finding small, faithful ways to keep showing upโsometimes hour by hourโwhile allowing God to meet you right in the middle of your brokenness.
As we step into a new year, especially for those of us navigating widowhood or deep loss, I want to share three tangible ways to move forward gently, intentionally, and with grace.
Not as rules.
Not as pressure.
But as anchors.
1. Choose GratitudeโEven When It Feels Impossible
(The Most Transformative Practice in Grief)
Let me be honest.
Gratitude in grief can feel offensive at first.
When everything has been taken from you, being told to โbe thankfulโ can feel like salt in a wound. I wrestled with this deeply. But over time, I realized something powerful:
Gratitude doesnโt deny painโit keeps pain from defining everything.
Gratitude is not pretending things are okay.
Itโs choosing to notice what still is.
Some days, gratitude looked like:
- The kids laughing at the dinner table
- A warm cup of coffee I didnโt have to rush through
- The fact that I got out of bed
- A text from someone who remembered my loss
- Godโs presence when words failed
Scripture reminds us:
โGive thanks in all circumstances; for this is Godโs will for you in Christ Jesus.โ
โ 1 Thessalonians 5:18
Notice it doesnโt say for all circumstances.
It says in them.
Gratitude became the practice that slowly softened the sharp edges of my grief. It didnโt remove the acheโbut it made room for light to coexist with sorrow.
One practical way Iโve leaned into this is through daily gratitude journaling, which is why I created my grief journal. Itโs not about filling pages with positivityโitโs about giving your heart a safe place to land. You can grab a “ROOTED IN HIM” journal HERE. It isn't just for death it is for grief.
If youโre reading this and thinking, I donโt even know what Iโm grateful for right now, start small.
Gratitude can sound like:
- โI survived today.โ
- โGod carried me when I couldnโt carry myself.โ
- โI felt seen.โ
If this resonates, Iโd love for you to comment with one thing youโre grateful for todayโno matter how small. Your words may help someone else find theirs.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve the Loss of Who You Were
THIS ONE IS HARD!!
This one took me longer to recognize.
Grief didnโt just change my lifeโit changed me.
I had to mourn:
- The wife I was
- The woman who assumed tomorrow was promised
- The version of myself who felt secure in her future
And hereโs the truth we donโt talk about enough:
You are allowed to grieve the person you were before loss.
Scripture speaks to this transformation:
โForget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!โ
โ Isaiah 43:18โ19
This verse doesnโt mean erasing the past.
It means honoring it without being trapped there.
In the new year, I stopped asking myself, โWhy am I not who I used to be?โ
And started asking, โWho is God shaping me into now?โ
Practically, this looked like:
- Letting go of expectations I could no longer meet
- Redefining success in smaller, gentler ways
- Giving myself grace on days I felt undone
If youโre struggling with the version of yourself you see now, please hear this:
You are not broken. You are becoming.
If you feel led, comment below with one thing youโre learning about yourself in this season. Growth often comes wrapped in grief.
3. Invite God Into the Ordinary Moments
In grief, the big spiritual moments can feel distant. But God met me most powerfully in the ordinary.
In making dinner.
In folding laundry alone.
In sitting in silence.
Scripture promises:
โThe Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.โ
โ Psalm 34:18
God didnโt ask me to have it all figured out.
He just asked me to keep showing up.
In this new year, I stopped waiting to feel โwholeโ before leaning into faith. I invited God into the mess.
Practically, this looked like:
- Whispered prayers instead of perfect ones
- Scripture written on sticky notes
- Letting my grief journal become a place of conversation with God
- Allowing faith to coexist with doubt
If prayer feels hard right now, youโre not alone. Even a simple, โGod, I need You,โ is enough.
If this spoke to you, consider commenting โme too.โ Sometimes solidarity is the strongest prayer.
As You Step Into This New Yearโฆ
You donโt need a resolution.
You donโt need a five-year plan.
You donโt need to rush healing.
You only need permission to take this season one breath at a time.
Grief will look different this year than it did last yearโand that doesnโt mean youโre moving backward. It means youโre moving through.
If you havenโt yet, I encourage you to read โA Full Year Without Q: Grief, Growth, and the Sacred Work of Carrying On.โ It holds space for milestones, setbacks, and the sacred work of surviving when life doesnโt make sense.
And if youโre looking for a gentle companion on your journey, my grief journal was created for hearts just like yoursโraw, honest, and still hoping.
Before you go, Iโd love to hear from you.
๐ What is one thing youโre carrying into this new yearโand one thing youโre hoping to lay down?
Your story matters.
Your voice matters.
And when you share, you remind others they are not alone.
Iโm so glad youโre here.
And Iโm walking this road with you. ๐ You are NOT Alone!
